Those Advice from A Father Which Rescued Us during my time as a New Father

"I believe I was just trying to survive for the first year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

Yet the reality soon proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You are not in a good place. You require support. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more comfortable discussing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles fathers face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a broader failure to open up among men, who still hold onto damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a show of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a pause - spending a short trip overseas, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the expression of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "poor decisions" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the activities that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."